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In Which We Host Some Pandembruary Funtimes

1/27/2021

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Howdy friends! We sure had a great time at this year's Horatio Day, and we hope you did too! We got to enjoy some good beers and some laughs and a lot of crazy delicious food and we maybe learned more about clown weddings than we'd been expecting to, but that's just how it goes sometimes! And given how much fun we had, we're back to scratchin' the ol' noodles about future fun times and there's definitely some cool stuff percolatin' (and we'll have details once they're a bit less nebulous), but first it's time for us to get back to basics for a hot second!
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And in this case the basics in question are our usual Friday-night (Virtual) Beers With the Brewers sessions! And this time around we... we need a break from barrel-aged beers for a bit. We love them, but it turns out that they are a Sometimes drink. Anyway, we figured that was a right good reason for us to go all the way back to the classics and focus on our flagships! Yes indeedy, we'll be sippin' on mixed four packs featurin' all four of our year-round beers and tellin' stories about the good times we had together* and answering any burning questions you may have about our four core beers and anyway it'll be fun and you should come hang out!

Grab your tickets here: Beer with the Brewers Flagship Flight
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And movin' on towards a whole buncha shiny new stuff, we've got two new beers coming out this Sunday!
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First up on that ol' new beer train is Barb! Barb is a single-hop pale ale made with a new-to-us French hop whose tasting notes include such beguilingly vague descriptions as "red." Not "red fruit" or anything, just "red." And you know what? That's enough to make us want to know more, so we bought a bunch and brewed a beer with it and soon you'll be able to try some too!
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Next up, also being released on Sunday is Play Date! Play Date also happens to be a single-hop beer, only it's a dry-hopped saison made with a heapin' helpin' of not-new-to-us-but-still-very-tasty Ekuanot™! Ekuanot™ is one o' them new-school super-intense hops that all the cool kids like to dump into beers by the bucketful, and we happen to be rather fond of all its punchy citrus character, so we added a whole mess to this light 'n bright saison!
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And looking a smidge further into the future, next Friday, February 5th, we're hosting our first-ever virtual chili showdown! The Reigning Chili Champs at Brato are puttin' their title on the line in a three-way competition with Bonetown Burgers and Scott Bros Meats! All chilis will be labeled anonymously so that you hungry folks can vote in the winner and we'll be providing the beverages (which is probably obvious? Because otherwise why would we be talking about this so much) and we'll be hoppin' on the mic every once and again to encourage what is inarguably the best part of any competitive endeavor (sass talking the competitors) and also we're gonna stuff ourselves full of chili and beer and it sounds like a hoot so you should join us!

Grab your tickets here: Chili Showdown

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And gettin' a bit further into the future, the following Friday, February 12th, we'll be doin' another Galentine's Day event! We're partnering with Boston GLOW again and we'll be doin' a (virtual) trivia event with half of ticket sales going directly to Boston GLOW and we'll be featuring some semi-secret beers that are about as seasonally appropriate as we get for holidays that we personally haven't made up, so keep them calendars peeled!

Grab your tickets here: Galentine's Trivia Night

* It's normal to reminisce about good times you've had with specific beers, right?
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Hip, Hip, Horatio!

1/20/2021

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Howdy-do, kiddos and squiddos! This here is the last week that you'll be hearin' us ramble on about (this year's) Horatio Day, and that's because Horatio Day is this weekend! And we'll get to some of the "sweet deets" on that in a bit, but also we should start by pointing out that today (Wednesday) is the last day to buy Horatio Day tickets. Also of note, because of all the commotion we're causin' this weekend, we will be closing early - at 5 PM - on Saturday. Anyway, before we keep on goin' on about big events, we gotta "give you the skinny" on some new beers, so read on!
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First on up is a new (double-ish) IPA called No Puns, Just Fun! And we're stoked about this beer in particular because, in addition to all the cool local grains we've come to know and love, this beer is our first brew using new-to-us hops from Champlain Valley Hops up in Vermont! We're generally pretty jazzed when we get hops from a new-to-us growing region* because growing the same hops in different places can yield crazy different results and we think that's cool as hell (the technical term for this is "terroir,"** should you ever need to demonstrate how bad you are at pronouncing French words). Anyway, for this particular beer we went with two tried-and-true Classic American Hops (specifically cascade and chinook - those hops grow pretty much anywhere, so we've gotten to try them from a handful of different regions) and we chucked a whole crapton of both of them into this beer and you'll get to try some on Friday!
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And speaking of new beer, whilst going in pretty much the opposite direction, this weekend we're also releasing a new wild beer which we're callin' Critters XI! This time around it's a blend of several different beers, so it's part light 'n fruity and part straight-up funk bomb and part tart and completely delicious!*** Anyway we blended this up for the festivities this weekend, which means it'll be available to all starting on Monday and you should try some! 
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And speaking of the festivities this weekend, we're throwin' hella festivities this weekend! For those of you who have somehow missed all the ruckus we've raised, here's the scoop: every year we throw a birthday party for Horatio, our dapper logo dude, and this year it's taking the form of a three-day virtual event extravaganza! We'll be doing four different virtual events over the course of the three days (with four beers and food pairings at each event and also souvenir glassware).

Anyway, if you wanna drink a buncha fancy beer and eat a buncha tasty food and hang out with us while we do the same**** then you should grab yourself some tickets while there's still time! Buy tickets here: Horatio Day 2021


* Most hops in the US (and possibly most hops in the world) are grown in the Pacific Northwest. 
** Literal translation: "dirt"
*** Though we will admit that the amount of fruit used in some of the component beers makes this blend... a little less easy on the eyes than we'd have liked
**** And we definitely won't be making Patrick shotgun a bunch of Pulpo cans at any time. WINK
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In Which We Get (Mildly) Dark

1/13/2021

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Hello again, friends! This is the first week in a while that we don't have some ten-page monstrosity of a blog post for you (which is probably just as well - my typing muscles are all cramped and sore, and I didn't even know that was possible), and this is also the first week in a while that we don't have a new beer release (well, we do have a new beer that's ready, but it's a birthday present for Horatio so we gotta wait to release it), but that don't mean the good times ain't rollin', so read on!
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First on up, we're gettin' (mildly) dark with this week's (Virtual) Beer With the Brewers! Yes indeedy, we'll be crackin' some cans of Mild Child and Pre-Boil Dave and we'll be talkin' about the beers and why they're particularly special to us and we'll talk about Dave himself because Dave is a rad dude and Jared might* go off on a tangent about the weirdness of British beer style names and it's gonna be a good time and you should come hang out!
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And speaking of hanging out, this is our second-to-last reminder that in less than two short weeks we'll be celebrating one of our favorite made-up holidays: Horatio Day! It's our annual celebration of strong/barrel-aged/wild beers and/or a birthday party for a cartoon skeleton and we're gonna have four different (virtual) sessions over the course of three days (Friday evening through Sunday afternoon) and we'll be featuring fourteen different beers (four per session, with very few repeats) and there's gonna be a whole mess of tasty food and there's fancy glassware (we just got them in! They look so good!) and anyway all the cool kids are doing it or whatever so you should join us!**

Buy tickets for Horatio Day here: Horatio Day 2021 Sessions

* We say this as if he isn't currently working on a long convoluted outline that's clearly based off of one of those "photos connected by yarn" bulletin boards that you see on TV (we're told that's called a "crazy wall," but no). We're glad he's excited, but it's kind of unnerving how he keeps giggling like that. 
** This is not to say that we think of ourselves, personally, as "the cool kids." We are nerds, we just happen to be nerds about something that gets you drunk. 
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2020: Year in Numbers

1/4/2021

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Howdy-do, kiddos! It's once again time for everyone's* favorite pointless retrospective: The Year In Numbers! But first we've got a buncha fun stuff and also some new beer that we gotta ramble about, so let's get to it!
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First on the ol' docket is Double Key Lime! We noticed we had a minor milestone comin' up in the ol' brew schedule (batch #450, to be specific) and we sure do love celebrating things around here so we brewed up a special beer! This time around, we took our beloved Key Lime White and doubled it - the grains, the hops, the lime stuff, the lactose, everything!

​It's coming out on 
Friday and it's... honestly pretty much exactly what you'd expect (also if you've had Skeleton Key in the past then you've got a pretty good idea of what this one is all about), which is to say that it's delicious! Come drink some!
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And speaking of drinking and/or Friday, this Friday is another installment of (Virtual) Beers With the Brewers! And this week we've got an extra special surprise in the form of a guest star!

​Thassright, our friend Liz L'Etoile from Four Star Farms (which, if you'll recall, is the farm where we get most of our hops) is gonna join us and drink some Wasted Life and some Treasure Hunt and chat about hops and maybe say a brief eulogy for Rakau and we think it's gonna be a buncha fun and you should join us!

​Grab your tickets here: Drink Some IPAs!
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And moving right along to Saturday we've got another virtual event, only this one has food! We're teamin' back up with our pals at Brato and this time we're gettin' spicy! One ticket serves two (or one very enthusiastic person) and gets you a Bone Up mix pack of your choosing, plus a dozen wings (boneless or the good kind, or cauliflower if that's your bag) and a half-dozen incrementally hotter sauces and we'll all hang out and eat wings and there will be lots of merriment and you should come hang out!

​Grab your tickets here (on sale until Thursday afternoon): 
Virtual Hell Night
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And! Lastly (well, lastly before we get to the other last thing)! We've got several of the details ironed out for our upcoming (virtual) made-up holiday: Horatio Day! Long story short, we took our annual celebration of barrel-aged, wild, and/or strong beer and divided up the festivities into four separately themed sessions over the course of a weekend (the weekend of the 22nd, to be specific)!

​Tickets to any session will get you four bottles, plus a food pairing (all of which is intended to be shared by at least two, but we're not gonna judge if you wanna go whole hog), plus a sweet souvenir glass, plus we'll be (virtually) gathering and gabbin' about the beers and overall just havin' a whole mess of fun! So if any of that sounds like your cup o' tea, read on and check out them deets!
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​On Friday the 22nd at about 7 PM we'll be doing the first of two beer dinners, and the beers in question are a bunch of dark and brooding barrel-aged beers that all just so happen to be named after cryptids (either "real" ones or ones that we made up)! And since the obvious choice for food in this case is wild game, the food's all gonna be vegetarian! 
I'm kidding, of course - our friends over at Brato have whipped up a sumptuous-sounding array of wild game dishes for your snacking pleasure and it's gonna be a tasty time!

Tickets here: Session 1
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​On Saturday the 23rd at about 3 PM we'll be easing into the afternoon with some funky beers and some cheese! This time around the beers are largely from our burgeoning wild fermentation program (plus one that's hella tart) and if you haven't gotten the chance to pair wild beers with a buncha cheeses, then let me assure you that you are in for a treat.

We don't have the cheeses themselves fully locked down yet, but the biggest hurdle is that every cheese pairing we've tried with these beers has been, at the very least, completely delicious. But that all translates to good news for you (and also us), so you should come check these cheeses out for yourself!

Tickets here: Session 2
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Then on Saturday the 23rd at about 7 PM we are going to have waffles for dinner because we are grown-ups god dammit. And since waffles were the catalyst for Jared's early interest in Belgian beer, we're pairing them waffles with our most Belgianest of Belgian beers! Once again we're bringing in our friends from Brato to do the cooking, and it's gonna be a night packed full of tasty treats!

Tickets here: Session 3
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And lastly, on Sunday the 24th at about 2 PM, we're bustin' out a buncha rare, vintage bottles of barrel-aged El Pulpo and we're pairing them with some special donuts! We called up our pals at Donut Villa Diner and they agreed to make some thematically-appropriate donuts for the occasion (which is about as close to cake as we'll get this year) and we'll get to eat them and you'll get to hang out with a totally-not-hungover Liz and Jared as they talk All Things Pulpo!

​And then once that's over they will probably take a nap on account of the three straight days of drinking on camera. 


Tickets here: Session 4
...And while we're talking about Horatio Day, we'd like to take this time to dispel the rumors that there will be a between-sessions Secret Power Hour where we make Patrick shotgun cans of El Pulpo on camera for an hour. He might still do that, but we're not *making* him do it.

Alright. Now that we got all the new beers and fun times outta the way, it's time for 2020 By the Numbers! If you're new around here, the skinny of the gist is that we look back on the previous year and come up with a bunch of weird statistics based on all the stuff we did over the past 12 months. And given how weird this year has been, you'd think there would be hella interesting data to crunch, but it turns out that "banning events" and "forcing everybody to sit quietly all the time" has a bit of a tendency to put a damper on most of the usual sorts of shenanigans. But! That won't stop us from crunching** those numbers nonetheless! So if you're feelin' numerical, read on!

* OK fine, it's Jared's favorite post to write because he thinks that "numbers are fun" (which is some Reading Rainbow shit, but here we are)
** If you were wondering, we do actually research these and make a bunch of spreadsheets to make sure everything is as accurate as possible. Our fact finding strategies range from "emailing people who are smarter than us" to "google searches, sometimes even clicking on two results for a consensus," to "counting."


Brewing by the Numbers

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Number of batches brewed: 98
Number of double batches: 27

Number of new beers brewed: 35
Number of batches of flagships brewed: 38
Number of batches of non-flagship recurring beers brewed: 17
Number of batches of "unreleased" beer made for aging and blending: 7

Amount of beer packaged, in gallons: 11,715
Number of flights that would fill: 74,976
Percentage of total volume actually served in flights: 8%
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Number of different beers packaged: 74
Number of new beers released: 51
Number of collaboration beers: 13
Number of wedding beers: just one, right before people were told to stop gathering in groups
Highest number of new beers released in one month: 7 (tie between June and July). 
Largest number of beers available at one time: 26
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Number of different beers put into bottles: 30
Number of bottles filled: 5,029
Number of different beers canned: 37
Total number of cans: 49,075​
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Average OG of beer produced (in degrees SG): 56
Average ABV of beer produced: 6.15%
Highest ABV beer produced: 9.5% (Rebello Fellow)
Lowest ABV beer produced: 4.3% (Key Lime)
Amount of vodka, in gallons, it would take to make the same amount of alcohol we produced this year: 1,801
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Number of funky/wild beers released: 10
Number of funky/wild beers aging at the beginning of the year: 14
Number of funky/wild beers aging currently: 23
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Beer brewed most often: Wasted Life
Number of Wasted Life batches brewed: 14, (four of which were double batches)​
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Number of Key Lime batches brewed: 7 (five of which were double batches)  
Number of key lime pies that could have been made with that lime juice instead: 384
Number of actual key limes it would take to produce that much juice: 7,373​
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Number of "milkshake IPAs" brewed: 0, which is in fact the correct amount
Number of beers named to make fun of one of our employees: at least one, that they know of. 
Number of beers in our "blithely pretending the world isn't ending" IPA series: 4

Ingredients by the Numbers

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Amount of hibiscus, in pounds, that was sacrificed to Henrietta this year: 60
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Amount of hops used, in pounds: 616.6 
Average hopping rate, in lbs/BBL: 1.63
Percentage of hops that came from local suppliers: 46%
Percentage of hops that came from Michigan, of all places: 7%
Number of hop varieties used: 28
Number of those that were new to us: 10
Most used hop variety: Rakau (88#!)
Height, in feet, that you would need to grow all those hops on a single bine: 4,628
Amount of time, in weeks (assuming a 40-hour workweek), it would take you to pick all those hops by hand: about 15, plus a couple extra days​
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Amount of grain used, in pounds: 29,832
Number of individual grains that would be (approximate): 375,275,479
Percentage of grain that came from local suppliers: 25%

Amount of oats used, as measured in bowls of oatmeal: 17,721
Amount of brown sugar used, also measured in bowls of oatmeal (but as a topping this time): 14,006

Amount of lactose used, in pounds: 56
Number of Lactaid pills you would need to neutralize all that lactose: 1,954
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Amount of honey used, in pounds: 367
Number of bees it would take to produce that much honey: 204,052 (visiting approximately 734,000,000 flowers in the process)
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Yeast harvested, in cells: 581,378,000,000,000 (plus another 29,574,000,000,000 or so from lab-grown yeast)

The Blog by the Numbers

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​Number of words written in the blog: 51,347
Number of pages that would fill in a paperback: 171
Least verbose month: March (2,724 words)
Most verbose month (not counting December with its 6,575 word year-end wrap-up): November (5,569 words, which means that December's year-end wrap-up was longer than any given month's worth of bloggins)
​

Top 3 most commonly used words in November (in order): beer, suggest, pairs
Number of times we used the word "beer" in the blog this year: 628 (478 if you don't count variations like "beers" or, apparently, "beeradjacent")
Number of months "beer" wasn't the most-used word: 1 (January, when the most-used word was "number." Can't possibly imagine why
Number of times we managed to use the word "spooktacular" in the blog this year: only 14, because we didn't realize that it was October until like two days before Halloween

Snacks by the Numbers

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Number of hot dogs served: 3,016

Percentage of those served to Demarco and friends: honestly, probably like 5%.
Amount of hot dogs sold, in pounds: 377 

Number of cows it would take to produce that much beef: 0.86 (as in, we went through 86% of the beef you would get from a cow, in hot dog form)
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Number of calories - in candy alone - consumed by each member of production when figuring out the first half of the beer and candy pairing menu, as measured in pints of ice cream: 2.7
Amount of sugar consumed by each member of production when figuring out the first half of the beer and candy pairing menu, as measured in Pixy Stix: 90
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Number of Girl Scout Cookie Flights served: 269
Number of boxes of Girl Scout Cookies we ordered at the beginning of the year: 240
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Number of times "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell" was played in the brewhouse: not enough. Probably only like a hundred. 

Number of people on staff who learned for the first time that apricots are not, in fact, dried peaches: 1 (how does this keep happening?)

Press by the Numbers

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Number of times we made the news: 3
Number of times we made the news for something good: 0 (that's at least partly our fault, it turns out The Globe blocks your email if you send them press releases with titles like "We're Gettin' It In The Can!")

Beer Garden by the Numbers

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Number of outdoor seats at the beginning of the year: 16
Number of outdoor seats at the end of the year: 54
Number of pallets used to make the walls of our beer garden: 19
Number of old labels used for the "wallpaper" in our beer garden: 1124
Number of days we had to whip up a beer garden out of what is essentially garbage: 3. That's some Cinderella shit right there.
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Number of miles put on Jared's car from home deliveries: 5,286.7
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Number of dog costumes at our dog costume party: 33
Percentage of those dogs that came with their own Instagram account: at least 50%

Beers Released in 2020

(parentheses indicates the rerelease of a seasonal/rotating beer):
January: Critters IV, Late Grain
February: Centennial, Critters V and Critters VI, I See a Dankness, Soiree, Southern Star, (Wellington)
March: Big Boots 2020, Boneheads, (Out of Bounds), Something Brewed, Tres Brujas
April: (Barrel-Aged Biere de Krampus), (El Pulpo Vintage 2018), (El Pulpo Vintage 2019), (Barrel-Aged El Pulpo Vintage 2018), (Barrel-Aged El Pulpo Vintage 2019), (Fig Pig), (Henrietta), (Joybringer), Pretend It's Summer, (Skeleton Key)
May: Chimera, Everything is Peachy, Get Loud and Get Proud, Snail the Pale, Unidog, Worshipper, (Ginger Spectacular)
June: Critters VII, Critters VIII, Critters IX, Picnic Time, Summerween, Walkin' Beer
July: 404: Recipe Not Found, (Blood Built), Cartwheels, Control is in Your Command, Critters X, DoublePlusGood, Fool's Paradise, Joyrider, (Organ Meats)
August: Guill O'Teen, Ginger Disco, Mango Thango, Spirals, Untethered, Zoopah!
September: Kegasus, (Rebello Fellow), Squash Your Enemies
October: History Mysteries, (Lazy Pants), Multihead,  Sabrobro
November: (Barrel-Aged El Pulpo), (El Pulpo), (Fancy Pants), Funky Life, Blood of Krampus, (Melvin Goes to Jamaica) and (Melvin Goes to Kentucky), Splorge, Triple Pearl, Mild Child, Versterven
December: (Quadless Leg Monster), Treasure Hunt
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