First on up is a new (double-ish) IPA called No Puns, Just Fun! And we're stoked about this beer in particular because, in addition to all the cool local grains we've come to know and love, this beer is our first brew using new-to-us hops from Champlain Valley Hops up in Vermont! We're generally pretty jazzed when we get hops from a new-to-us growing region* because growing the same hops in different places can yield crazy different results and we think that's cool as hell (the technical term for this is "terroir,"** should you ever need to demonstrate how bad you are at pronouncing French words). Anyway, for this particular beer we went with two tried-and-true Classic American Hops (specifically cascade and chinook - those hops grow pretty much anywhere, so we've gotten to try them from a handful of different regions) and we chucked a whole crapton of both of them into this beer and you'll get to try some on Friday!

And speaking of hanging out, this is our second-to-last reminder that in less than two short weeks we'll be celebrating one of our favorite made-up holidays: Horatio Day! It's our annual celebration of strong/barrel-aged/wild beers and/or a birthday party for a cartoon skeleton and we're gonna have four different (virtual) sessions over the course of three days (Friday evening through Sunday afternoon) and we'll be featuring fourteen different beers (four per session, with very few repeats) and there's gonna be a whole mess of tasty food and there's fancy glassware (we just got them in! They look so good!) and anyway all the cool kids are doing it or whatever so you should join us!**

Buy tickets for Horatio Day here: Horatio Day 2021 Sessions

* We say this as if he isn't currently working on a long convoluted outline that's clearly based off of one of those "photos connected by yarn" bulletin boards that you see on TV (we're told that's called a "crazy wall," but no). We're glad he's excited, but it's kind of unnerving how he keeps giggling like that. 
** This is not to say that we think of ourselves, personally, as "the cool kids." We are nerds, we just happen to be nerds about something that gets you drunk. 

​On Friday the 22nd at about 7 PM we'll be doing the first of two beer dinners, and the beers in question are a bunch of dark and brooding barrel-aged beers that all just so happen to be named after cryptids (either "real" ones or ones that we made up)! And since the obvious choice for food in this case is wild game, the food's all gonna be vegetarian! 
I'm kidding, of course - our friends over at Brato have whipped up a sumptuous-sounding array of wild game dishes for your snacking pleasure and it's gonna be a tasty time!

Tickets here: Session 1

​On Saturday the 23rd at about 3 PM we'll be easing into the afternoon with some funky beers and some cheese! This time around the beers are largely from our burgeoning wild fermentation program (plus one that's hella tart) and if you haven't gotten the chance to pair wild beers with a buncha cheeses, then let me assure you that you are in for a treat.

We don't have the cheeses themselves fully locked down yet, but the biggest hurdle is that every cheese pairing we've tried with these beers has been, at the very least, completely delicious. But that all translates to good news for you (and also us), so you should come check these cheeses out for yourself!

Tickets here: Session 2

Alright. Now that we got all the new beers and fun times outta the way, it's time for 2020 By the Numbers! If you're new around here, the skinny of the gist is that we look back on the previous year and come up with a bunch of weird statistics based on all the stuff we did over the past 12 months. And given how weird this year has been, you'd think there would be hella interesting data to crunch, but it turns out that "banning events" and "forcing everybody to sit quietly all the time" has a bit of a tendency to put a damper on most of the usual sorts of shenanigans. But! That won't stop us from crunching** those numbers nonetheless! So if you're feelin' numerical, read on!

* OK fine, it's Jared's favorite post to write because he thinks that "numbers are fun" (which is some Reading Rainbow shit, but here we are)
** If you were wondering, we do actually research these and make a bunch of spreadsheets to make sure everything is as accurate as possible. Our fact finding strategies range from "emailing people who are smarter than us" to "google searches, sometimes even clicking on two results for a consensus," to "counting."

Number of batches brewed: 98
Number of double batches: 27

Number of new beers brewed: 35
Number of batches of flagships brewed: 38
Number of batches of non-flagship recurring beers brewed: 17
Number of batches of "unreleased" beer made for aging and blending: 7

Amount of beer packaged, in gallons: 11,715
Number of flights that would fill: 74,976
Percentage of total volume actually served in flights: 8%

Number of different beers packaged: 74
Number of new beers released: 51
Number of collaboration beers: 13
Number of wedding beers: just one, right before people were told to stop gathering in groups
Highest number of new beers released in one month: 7 (tie between June and July). 
Largest number of beers available at one time: 26

Number of different beers put into bottles: 30
Number of bottles filled: 5,029
Number of different beers canned: 37
Total number of cans: 49,075​

Number of funky/wild beers released: 10
Number of funky/wild beers aging at the beginning of the year: 14
Number of funky/wild beers aging currently: 23

Beer brewed most often: Wasted Life
Number of Wasted Life batches brewed: 14, (four of which were double batches)​

Number of Key Lime batches brewed: 7 (five of which were double batches)  
Number of key lime pies that could have been made with that lime juice instead: 384
Number of actual key limes it would take to produce that much juice: 7,373​

Number of "milkshake IPAs" brewed: 0, which is in fact the correct amount
Number of beers named to make fun of one of our employees: at least one, that they know of. 
Number of beers in our "blithely pretending the world isn't ending" IPA series: 4

Amount of hops used, in pounds: 616.6 
Average hopping rate, in lbs/BBL: 1.63
Percentage of hops that came from local suppliers: 46%
Percentage of hops that came from Michigan, of all places: 7%
Number of hop varieties used: 28
Number of those that were new to us: 10
Most used hop variety: Rakau (88#!)
Height, in feet, that you would need to grow all those hops on a single bine: 4,628
Amount of time, in weeks (assuming a 40-hour workweek), it would take you to pick all those hops by hand: about 15, plus a couple extra days​

Yeast harvested, in cells: 581,378,000,000,000 (plus another 29,574,000,000,000 or so from lab-grown yeast)

Number of Girl Scout Cookie Flights served: 269
Number of boxes of Girl Scout Cookies we ordered at the beginning of the year: 240
​
Number of times "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell" was played in the brewhouse: not enough. Probably only like a hundred. 

Number of people on staff who learned for the first time that apricots are not, in fact, dried peaches: 1 (how does this keep happening?)

Number of miles put on Jared's car from home deliveries: 5,286.7

And now, it's time for the extremely long blog post you've all been waiting for: the 2020 Year In Review! We've spent a bit o' time looking back over a year's worth of blog posts, and oh man it's been one hell of a ride. What's normally a fun stroll down Memory Lane was, this year, more like a fresh perspective on watching ourselves slowly unravel over the course of the year. 

And on that note, we are gonna try and avoid going on about pandemic this and societal upheaval that (at least to the best of our ability), since this post is really intended to be about navel-gazing, but also there were a few... externalities that set the tone for the year (and, for once, we're not just referring to the building department throwing a fit and threatening to shut us down unless we abide by their vague-yet-apparently-critically-important demands.* There was also some of that, but we'll get to that in due time), so it's bound to come up. 

But despite all the weird/terrible things that happened this year, there were also a lot of cool things we managed to accomplish! We started canning (using a mobile canner) and then we pretty quickly graduated to having our own canning line and we vastly expanded our outdoor space and we implemented yet another of Grace's semi-drunken ideas and this time we all got matching-ish tattoos of El Pulpo (the first time we ended up implementing one of her spirited suggestions we ended up starting a kickball league) and we started home delivery and vastly expanded the number of stores that carry our beer (from one to "more than one") and we put out a CD and anyway the point is that quite a bit has happened this year. 

And even with all of that, I haven't even gotten to the fact that this year we've made more beer than we ever have in one year and we got to brew a buncha cool collab beers and we vastly expanded our wild beer program and we increased our bottle menu to the point that we currently have more beers available than we ever have at one time (even if you count parties/fests, which essentially means that every day can - and should - be Horatio Day) and I guess our point is that beer might seem like it plays second fiddle a little bit when we're looking back on the year, but I assure you that it always plays first fiddle in our hearts. 

But! We're getting ahead of ourselves. We'll get to all that in a bit, but first we gotta look back at this year that started off oh-so-innocently in...

...January when we kickstarted the year with some good times and some good company on the third-annual Horatio Day! ​

We had over twenty beers available for y'all to try and there was bacon and donuts and lotsa laughs (and let's not forget the good-natured shouting), and shortly after that we all braved the bellyaches and followed up with the first of several Girl Scout Cookie pairing days and we had HotChix in the house pretty much every other week and there were casks and coloring contests and ice cream and photo exhibits and trivia and cheese and all sorts of good stuff! ​

...February when we started things off with a bang by announcing our first ever can releases: Wellington IPA and Key Lime White! ​

We were right stoked to call up our friends at State 64 and have them drag in their mobile canning operation and can up a whole mess o' beer - just like a real brewery! ​

And while we were waitin' for those to come out we started adding to the Critters series, which meant new beers but also it meant building some sweet-ass barrel racks so we'd have a dang place to let these funky beauties do their thang! ​

Then in the midst of all that, we somehow managed to wrangle a rad-as-hell three-brewery collaboration with Widowmaker and Remnant, wherein we all brewed variants on the same music-inspired beer (namely Tres Brujas) which meant we got to hang out with beer friends while we brewed/drank some tasty beer and, as you might expect, a good time was had by all. ​

...March when we hit the ground running with a whole lotta momentum and fun events and a buncha new beers in the production pipeline and also, it turns out, a whole bunch of misplaced optimism. But! We certainly did get while the gettin' was good - there was a sushi class and we got to make another wedding beer and we squeezed in a Pink Boots brewday and we brewed/released a whole bunch of cool collabs and... then the rug got pulled out from under us. ​

​All of us.
​

...April when we managed to put some smiles on our faces, even if we did need to use a staple gun to do it. ​

As we learned to navigate this "new normal" that we kept hearing so much about, we kicked off the month by releasing two collab beers - namely Boneheads (which we brewed with our friends at Heads Up Screenprinting) and Out of Bounds (which we brew for our friends at Thomson Country Club) - with maybe a smidge less fanfare than we had originally planned. So it goes. ​

But! This was also the month that we started home delivery (which we're still doing!) and we got to dip into the ol' "rainy day stash" to bottle up some goodies that we'd been cellaring (like Skeleton Key, which we're sadly out of; and vintage Pulpo bottles, which will be coming back at some point). ​

And since we were pining for the simpler times of summers past, we fast-tracked the release of our summer seasonal (which got renamed to Henrietta this year, for legal reasons) and just to hammer that point home a little more we also introduced y'all to a big little fruity DIPA by the name of Pretend It's Summer! And speaking of renaming things, April was also the month that we started calling Extra Naked a Table Beer (instead of "cream ale"), which was actually a pretty big deal for us (we fear change). ​

...May when, for the first time ever, we had all four of our flagship beers available in cans! That might not seem like a huge milestone, since cans were hardly new to us at that point, but it felt like a pretty big step to us and special occasions mean special beers and whoo-ee did we put out a lot of special beers in May! ​

...and we did the very delicious virtual vertical tasting of El Pulpo variants... ​

...June when the State Government announced that they were "probably going to allow outdoor dining at some point" and then got kind of annoyed when people asked follow-up questions. That led to some interesting short-term side-effects for us, most notably in the form of a) people asking us a million follow-up questions in the hopes that we had access to an actual informative news source (we didn't), and 2) a fairly large number of people reading almost all the way through the headline on the news story about reopening and then showing up here to angrily demand that we serve them in a beer garden that did not, if we're to split hairs here, exist yet. ​

In short, he felt that we (as in, specifically Bone Up) were ineligible to have outdoor seating, largely based on criteria that were provably false (such as the cited lack of drainage in our parking lot), and after he refused to even look at the proposed seating area (so as to confirm or deny his claims, thus contradicting his other statements about how he would "be swinging by on a daily basis" to make sure there were no puddles in our parking lot) he started making a series of increasingly improbable demands, such as insisting that our temporary fence made of pallets be bolted to the pavement, or demanding that the asphalt in our parking lot be clean enough to eat off of at all times.** And after throwing a very public tantrum proved shockingly ineffective, he sent a half dozen inspectors to come over and point around randomly and say "you need to fix that" without elaborating on what the problem was or how to fix it. ​

** It's worth mentioning that, while we do from time to time exaggerate details for the sake of a good story, this is not one of those times. ​

​Anyway, we finally got the go-ahead on a Tuesday which meant that we had all of two and a half days to build an entire beer garden from scratch (including ordering furniture, which proved difficult since every other brewery and restaurant in the entire state was trying to do exactly the same thing that we were), but somehow we did it! ​

We turned a pile of pallets and string lights and old labels into a fully-functioning beer garden and we figured out a system for the (many) new rules that we had to implement and we got to deal with a whole bunch of guff from people who were convinced that "contact tracing" was some sort of government surveillance program or something when in fact it consisted entirely of us writing down peoples' names and phone numbers on a piece of paper and then throwing out that paper after a while (maybe they thought The Government didn't know their phone numbers? And that the Deep State was enacting a really convoluted plan to get that critical information and... call them? Unclear). ​

​...July when we did what we do every July, which was to spend pretty much the entire month planning for our upcoming birthday party. This proved to be a bit of a logistical noodle-scratcher for us, since we weren't (and still aren't) allowed to have people singing or gathering or yelling or standing or having fun and we couldn't have live music (or recorded music, for that matter) and so on. ​

So in other words, we were tasked (by ourselves) with throwing a party that had most/all of the "party" elements removed and we were maybe a little bit grumpy about it. But! That also meant that we got to start releasing a buncha band beers and some sweet seasonally-appropriate merch and also we put out another Critters beer and another fruity DIPA whose name was a non-subtle nod to the complete unhinged madness that is/was 2020 (it's almost as if we had some kind of... running theme for the year in beer). ​

...August when we kept right on releasin' band beers and cool merch for our upcoming celebrations, thus turning it into one of those sweet-sixteen-esque "birthday month" celebrations only this one was pretty much set to "slow burn" for the month instead of ramping up to a crescendo. ​

But! That wasn't gonna stop us from having our party at the end of the month and we still put out a sweet-ass mix pack and a friggin CD and our friends at Alex's Ugly Sauce made us a fourth guldang hot sauce and we got all set up to eat a buncha tasty eats and see a buncha friends and... then it got rained out. Of course it did. ​

But that ol' raincloud had one heck of a silver lining (and no, I'm not talking about how we got to go on our annual pilgrimage to Four Star Farms this year, but that was rad too) - given the low-key nature of this year's party, it was actually pretty easy to reschedule things. ​

Way back in 2019, our starry-eyed unforeseeably-naïve plans included such extravagances as rental furniture and a dedicated sound person (as opposed to previous years, when we would turn responsibility of soundboards over to "whoever knows the most about plugs") and maybe even a real stage if we were feelin' extra fancy. But none of that was really necessary with our toned-down party plans, so it was a lot more seamless than it could have been. ​

...October when we kicked off the most spooktacular of months by (finally) receiving our very own canning line! We'd been super happy working with State 64 for most of the year, but our schedule was gettin' more than a little mangled tryin' to coördinate with them so we "made the jump" and we got a canning line**** to call our own and we've spent many happy hours cursing at it. ​

**** I'm actually not sure if we landed on a name to give the canning line, which is weird because we're pretty big fans of giving people names to our equipment. So for the sake of argument, we'll call her Phyllis. 

But it turns out that was just the tip o' the ol' spooktacular iceberg, because October turned out to be the month of events! We got the ol' "social calendar" rolling by bringin' in longtime friend-of-the-brewery Pinball Mitch to do what he do best: make spaghetti.

​But seriously, he dragged three pinball machines and set 'em up in our doorways so we could have us the best dang "socially distanced" pinball party that we could wrangle (well, it was socially distanced if you didn't notice when Sir-Hugs-A-Lot forgot about our "no hugging" rule that we had to institute because of him specifically)! Then we followed that right up with our first virtual event since... May? Probably? ​

And anyway it was the event for Bubs' House (commonly known as the Hartshorne House) and this was the first time that we got to actually see the other speakers and also we made an arguably-historically-inspired beer for it named History Mysteries and it was a lot of fun! ​

And then pretty much right after that the entire production staff got together and ate a truly disgusting amount of candy (twice) so we'd have a properly spooktacular menu written up for an entire week of beer and candy pairing! ​

And also we brewed a beer to benefit a dog rescue (specifically Multihead, which used the new-to-us and cool-as-hell hop Multihead, which is a Neomexicanus variety!) and so it was really only logical that we bring back our spooktacular dog costume contest and it was a ton of fun! ​

...November when the month started with yet another weird rule passed down by The State, this one stating that we needed to close by 9:30 every night. We had been operating for months under the assumption that we couldn't stay open past 10, so this... this didn't really change much. But, it forced our hands a bit to formally make the call that we would not be doing indoor service. ​

It wasn't an easy call to make, and it certainly made a few people grumpy (though those were almost definitely the same people who couldn't/wouldn't understand why we had to have all those pesky "rules" in the beer garden, and who loved insisting that the statewide "no groups over six" mandate somehow didn't apply to their group of fourteen), and it was/is honestly a pretty scary decision to make. ​But if you ask us, there's a lot of scarier stuff to be had if we'd chosen differently, so we'll stick to our guns on that one thankyouverymunch. ​

And since Fate apparently likes to "twist the knife" every now and then, this is also the month that the (ongoing, national) can shortage managed to bite us right in the ol' keister. Long story short, we ran out of cans almost immediately after announcing that we were effectively ending draft service (as in, few people were interested in drinking outside in November, so we stopped prioritizing draft beer in favor of a more portable option) and we got a lot of promises from a few can suppliers (and there were a lot more can suppliers that literally laughed at us) and anyway it was pretty much a monthlong dilly of a pickle of a jam (until our beery neighbors down the street helped us out with a spare pallet - thanks Phil!). ​

But! It wasn't all sorrows and frowning! We added another brewer to our team (hi Patrick!)... ​

...and we released Versterven which was the collab beer we made with Lesser Glow (which was originally intended to be brewed to coincide with the release of their latest album, but that happened to coincide with the start of all the covid-related lockdowns so we postponed it a bit)... ​

...and a bunch of us got (somewhat) matching El Pulpo tattoos...

...December when we once again got the ol' gears turning to try and dream up fun beer events that don't require you to leave your house. And we started off strong with a virtual beer dinner that combined our fanciest bottles with comfort food from Brato! ​

...and then Liz and Jared started doing weekly Beer With the Brewers events that definitely didn't have a tendency to derail into Jared making a fool of himself (but on camera this time!) and also we got to work on a project that's very near and dear to everybody who works in production here: floor repair!***** ​

***** Planned start date of floor repairs: November 2018. 

But through it all, we've seen and realized time and again that we are incredibly lucky to have found all the people we've come to know over the years here at Bone Up, both on-staff and on the other side of the bar. ​

Our front-of-house staff went from standing behind the bar and shootin' the shit with friends and regulars, to dragging trays of plastic cups out to tables that are really not located anywhere near where the beer is poured, and they pulled it off like we'd been planning it that way for years (as opposed to the reality, which was that most of it was made up on the spot). ​​

Our production team went from putting almost 100% of our beer into kegs, to putting almost 100% into cans. And then back to kegs. And then back to cans again. ​

And hopefully we'll be filling and pouring kegs again sooner rather than later, but the point is that our brewers took a year's worth of scheduling gymnastics and logistical hurdles in-stride as if this nonsense were just a normal day at the office. ​

Now let's forget this year ever happened. 

Also, since you've probably** been wondering, we have had our Thinking Caps on about what to do about Horatio Day 2021 and we've some tasty tricks up our collective sleeves, and we figured we'd give you a bit of a "teaser" on what we got percolatin' on the back burner!

​Long story short, we're throwin' ol' Horatio a bit of a belated birthday party in January, with the festivities scheduled for the weekend of the 22nd. But! Since it's all gonna be in cyberspace this year, we figured we'd spread things out a bit and now Horatio Day is gonna be more like Horatio Weekend*** with a series of smaller shindigs runnin' from Friday through Sunday (which means that, if you're the flight type, you won't need to try and drink fourteen barrel-aged beers in one sitting. Two sittings seems way more manageable).

Oh! And! What with all the talk of sand and excitement about staring at our computers, we almost forgot to mention the new beer that's coming out next week! It's a double IPA made with a buncha local grains and also it's hopped exclusively with one of our favorite-ever hop varieties: MA-grown Rakau! And as jazzed as we are about this big lil' beer (Rakau is so good! So fruity!), it's a bit of a bittersweet time because we're using some of the last-ever crop of MA Rakau. Turns out it doesn't actually grow all that well around here and yada yada yada farming blah blah blah something about dirt. Anyway, we wanted to give this hop a proper sendoff and we're doin' so in the form of Treasure Hunt and it comes out this Sunday!​

Howdy-do, friendaroos! We been spendin' a bit of time gettin' our taproom spiffed up for The Holiday Season what with all the lights that seemingly never untangle and the ornament (ornaments? unclear) that seem to have the special ability to spew glitter up to fifty feet in any direction without us noticing and the weird holiday hats that nobody remembers buying (but which still manage to accumulate every year), and dang but if we didn't get a couple pangs of that ol' nostalgia that we spent the summer/fall so studiously avoiding. Simply put: we miss being able to have y'all in our taproom. And yeah, that's hardly a new sentiment in These Trying Times, but there's something about decorating the taproom that really brought it all home. We miss seeing people get jazzed about the coloring contest and hosting weird trivia and watching tipsy people hunt for hippos and giving out chocolate orange slices with El Pulpo and fixing the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots every three days and playing pinball and... dang but it's gonna be a long winter. ​

And! You've still got time to order tickets to our upcoming virtual beer dinner that we're co-hosting with Brato on Friday! We're pairin' up some of our most high-falutin' beers with a buncha comfort food dishes (or rather, Brato's takes on comfort food dishes, which makes them at least medium falutin') and we're gonna get on camera and drink beer and ramble about beer and probably eat some food and it'll be good times just like old times! Only this time everything will be different and it won't be all that much like old times except for the tasty beers and the fact that our dog will probably escape and steal food from a toddler. Again. Anyway it'll be fun and you should join us!

* Why yes, this is a thinly-veiled tactic to try and get you to buy beer from us. We... we have our concerns about the winter. 
** Although in order to do so, we needed to brew a batch in like June, which was a weird experience. ​

Soiree
pairs well with... dressing the dog up in a cute costume.
And if you don't have any Soiree, we suggest... dressing the dog up in people clothes and trying to sneak it into the bar with you. If anyone asks questions, just say "oh that's just Terry" without further elaboration. 

Joyrider
pairs well with... compressing, shaping, and re-baking the stuffing to use as hard taco shells
And if you don't have any Joyrider, we suggest... pointing out each dish individually and making the argument that it "technically qualifies as a taco." Really fight to make your point. Make a chart if you have to. 
​
Ginger Disco
pairs well with... serving people "roulette brownies" where a small percentage of random brownies are completely full of habanero powder. 
And if you don't have any Ginger Disco, we suggest... same thing, but throw a couple THC brownies in there too. 

Joybringer
pairs well with... making up songs about the foods you're about to eat while you fill your plate
And if you don't have any Joybringer, we suggest... putting on a puppet show wherein you have the turkey carcass stage a Gallagher-style performance and messily smash the giblets with a potato

Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Kentucky) 
pairs well with... smoking weed in the garage after dinner
And if you don't have any Melvin Goes to Kentucky, we suggest... smoking weed in the garage before dinner

Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Jamaica) 
pairs well with... making turkey-themed arts and crafts
And if you don't have any Melvin Goes to Jamaica, we suggest... showing up to dinner in full-on Puritan garb (bonus points if you try to stay in character)

Blood of Krampus
pairs well with... speaking in rhyme for the entire day
And if you don't have any Blood of Krampus, we suggest... speaking in riddles for the entire day

Barrel-aged El Pulpo
pairs well with... happily shouting
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged El Pulpo, we suggest... angrily shouting

Rebello Fellow
pairs well with... trying to cram foods into other foods, but getting all "think like an engineer" about it; like making balls of stuffing filled with turkey, then sealing the cracks using the adhesive power of mashed potatoes - just dip 'em in gravy and you're ready to huck 'em at your siblings!
And if you don't have any Rebello Fellow, we suggest... refusing to drink anything that doesn't match the color of the food you're currently eating. A bite of cranberry sauce gets a sip of red wine. A bite of green beans gets a shot of absinthe. Mashed potatoes only pair with Bailey's. Come to think of it, most Thanksgiving foods are beige; that's gonna mean a lot of Bailey's. 

Fancy Pants 
pairs well with... putting your own spin on cranberry sauce by making something else that doesn't taste like garbage
And if you don't have any Fancy Pants, we suggest... making "homemade cranberry sauce" but it's just jello (and the "cranberry chunks" are gummy bears)

Funky Life
pairs well with... going a little wild on the hors d'oeuvres as a treat. You earned it!
And if you don't have any Funky Life, we suggest... reconfiguring the entire menu so that every item starts with "bacon-wrapped." And I do mean EVERY item. Make a bacon envelope so you can have bacon-wrapped cranberry sauce. 

Kegasus
pairs well with... having a sassy Zoom background and pointedly commenting on it every five minutes. Like maybe a picture of a turkey with the words "It's Gobble Time, Bitches" over it, and then you just try to make that your catchphrase for the day. 
And if you don't have any Kegasus, we suggest... having your background be that cartoon that gave a bunch of kids seizures back in the 80s. 

But seriously though, we're tryin' to "step up" the ol' "distro game" so if there's a store you wanna see us at, let us know (our current list is here)! Or, better yet, tell the store you want them to buy our beer (and also maybe tell us? We're new at this)!

* Honestly, the best part about using this term is that in order to get the joke you kinda have to take beer seriously enough that you'll probably just be annoyed with us for saying it in the first place.  

** It was in that tank for 555 days, which is a smidge longer than our usual six months. 
*** We realized this when we still had Lazy Pants. RIP Lazy Pants. Again.