Next up is... Melvin! More specifically, it's Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Kentucky) - we aged a whole buncha Melvin in some rye whiskey barrels (specifically Dad's Hat barrels), and it's been blended up and bottled up (and kegged up, for later times) and the flavor is fulla vanilla and toffee and WHISKEY and marshmallows (somehow) and it's ever so good!
And our next bottle is... Melvin! Noticing a theme here, yet? This one's Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Jamaica) and it - you guessed it - was aged in rum barrels for a good long while and it's got a nice fruity punch and a little bit of a molasses note and it almost tastes a little like baking spices (or perhaps fruitcake) and dang but it's tasty!
Last up for this week's bottle releases is... Los Aromos! Wait, no. It's Melvin! More to the point, it's Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Belgium), and this one here's a little different from the others. See, we had a ginger-focused strong farmhouse aging in rye barrels already, so we took that and blended it up with Melvin and it's all kindsa spicy and fruity and it's all-around "Belgian" but with a little bit of barrel peekin' in through the curtains and whoo-ee is it a delight!
pairs well with... wishing you hadn't eaten so much the previous day
and if you don't have any Extra Naked, we suggest... shame eating
pairs well with... just one more piece of pie
and if you don't have any Key Lime, we suggest... having two more pieces of pie
pairs well with... a nap on the couch
and if you don't have any Wasted Life, we suggest... taking a nap anyway, albeit a less satisfying one
Shut Up Kelly!
pairs well with... ooOOOooh! Somebody brought fudge?!
and if you don't have any Shut Up Kelly, we suggest... trying to convince your elderly aunt to do shots of Allen's Coffee Brandy with you
pairs well with... making a mashed potato fort on your plate
And if you don't have any Critters 1, we suggest... building a trebuchet out of green beans and using it to fling cranberries across the table. Storm the castle!
pairs well with... eggs
And if you don't have any Critters 3, we suggest... EGGS
Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Belgium)
pairs well with... yoga, believe it or not
And if you don't have any Melvin Goes to Belgium, we suggest... throwing plates around the kitchen like some kind of poltergeist
Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Kentucky)
pairs well with... smoking weed in the garage after dinner
And if you don't have any Melvin Goes to Kentucky, we suggest... smoking weed in the garage before dinner
Melvin the Mammoth (Goes to Jamaica)
pairs well with... making turkey-themed arts and crafts
And if you don't have any Melvin Goes to Jamaica, we suggest... showing up to dinner in full-on Puritan garb (bonus points if you try to stay in character)
Melvin the Mammoth (Stays Home)
pairs well with... feeding the dog under the table
And if you don't have any Melvin Stays Home, we suggest... abandoning the family meal to go hang out with the dog
pairs well with... making up songs about the foods you're about to eat while you fill your plate
And if you don't have any Joybringer, we suggest... putting on a puppet show wherein you have the turkey carcass stage a Gallagher-style performance and messily smash the giblets with a potato
pairs well with... compressing, shaping, and re-baking the stuffing to use as hard taco shells
And if you don't have any Joyrider, we suggest... pointing out each dish individually and making the argument that it "technically qualifies as a taco." Really fight to make your point. Make a chart if you have to.
pairs well with... trying to stack up three pies into one Megapie (also acceptable: Pie Sandwich) like you're friggin' Dagwood Bumstead or something
And if you don't have any Doomrider, we suggest... looking your younger sibling dead in the eye, snatching their (full) plate out of their hands, and eating the entire damn thing without breaking eye contact
pairs well with... constructing increasingly-elaborate forts with your youngest relatives
And if you don't have any El Pulpo, we suggest... acting so erratically at the dinner table that you get banished to the kids' playroom to go watch Dumbo like six times in a row because that's somehow the only movie they have. Again.
Barrel-aged El Pulpo
pairs well with... happily shouting
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged El Pulpo, we suggest... angrily shouting
pairs well with... yams
And if you don't have any Spruce Moose, we suggest... saying "yams" out loud a lot. It's fun to say.
pairs well with... pretending you know what a "Gronk" is when you're talking to your uncles (and also how it relates to goats?)
And if you don't have any Wellington, we suggest... turning the tables by excitedly rambling about metal bands while only referring to the artists by their nicknames
pairs well with... quietly struggling through the extremely awkward "what I'm thankful for" portion of a Friendsgiving full of people you only sort of know
And if you don't have any Mandarinazacca, we suggest... interrupting each person's declaration of thanks with whale facts
pairs well with... gravy-based foods (we're lookin' at you, New Orleans)
And if you don't have any Los Aromos, we suggest... drinking straight gravy until you go into a Gravy Coma
pairs well with... eating an entire pie and then going back for more
And if you don't have any BoNanza, we suggest... pretending that you started smoking so you have lots of excuses to go outside and eat SECRET PIE
Half the Time
pairs well with... turkey sandwiches with Honeycup mustard and peanut butter. No, seriously.
And if you don't have any Half the Time, we suggest... taking a good hard look at the circumstances in your life that brought you to this moment.
** Maybe second favorite if you count our anniversary as a made up holiday, but we don't. That one's a real holiday.
*** We've done more field testing on these than you'd think, but some of the pairings might not be totally bulletproof.