Hello, friends! The time for pie is almost nigh, and we've got some special treats lined up for all y'all!
First and/or foremost, this Wednesday* (also known as Right Now) is a pretty durn big day around here. One might even call it a Landmark Occasion if one were so inclined (and we aren't). Anydangways, the main rub of the point is that it's our first-ever real-ass bottle release! And to make sure it's an Extra Special Event, we're puttin' out four - count 'em, FOUR - Big Fancy Bottles! Here's the sweet deets on what we gon' have:
- El Pulpo, 8%, imperial stout aged in rye barrels.
- Shelby, 8%, smoked stout aged in apple brandy barrels.
- Doomrider, 8.2%, farmhouse aged in wheat whiskey barrels.
- Quadless Leg Monster, 10%, quad aged in brandy barrels.
First and/or foremost, this Wednesday* (also known as Right Now) is a pretty durn big day around here. One might even call it a Landmark Occasion if one were so inclined (and we aren't). Anydangways, the main rub of the point is that it's our first-ever real-ass bottle release! And to make sure it's an Extra Special Event, we're puttin' out four - count 'em, FOUR - Big Fancy Bottles! Here's the sweet deets on what we gon' have:
- El Pulpo, 8%, imperial stout aged in rye barrels.
- Shelby, 8%, smoked stout aged in apple brandy barrels.
- Doomrider, 8.2%, farmhouse aged in wheat whiskey barrels.
- Quadless Leg Monster, 10%, quad aged in brandy barrels.
We even came up with a game to play while you drink them: Shoes Off, Pants Off, Memories Off
Also of note, we've got fairly limited quantities of these (with Quadless Leg Monster and Shelby in particular being Very Limited in quantity) so we're gonna put some limits on them just to be on the safe side - two bottles per beer per person per day. That'll likely relax a bit/a lot once we get a handle on things (we currently have no idea what we're doing), but we ain't wanna risk disappointing people just because SOMEbody felt the need to buy eighty bottles of barreled El Pulpo.**
And speaking of El Pulpo, El Pulpo is on tap! Right now! And you should drink it! And for those of you not "in the know," El Pulpo is our Christmas beer and it's something we giddily look forward to every year and now it's here! It's a chocolate orange imperial stout and if you get a full pour it comes with a slice of chocolate orange so that you can a) have a pretty rad beer and candy pairing, and 2) fondly reminisce about eating this moderately-terrible candy in your childhood! Fun times!
"A Bone Up Tradition"
Anyway this whole barrel o' laughs is startin' strong on Wednesday (which, again, is probably either today or in the past), and then we'll be closed on Thursday and I would say something like "...which is a bummer" but brewers and bartenders need their turkey too, so you can probably make it through one entire day (especially if you stock up first).
Friday: leftover pie donations accepted by all members of our production staff
Which reminds me, we'll be open regular hours on Friday and also the rest of the weekend. So once you run out of things to talk to your family about (projected time: one PM on Thursday) and in the event you don't want to brave any of our nation's shopping complexes on the worst damned shopping day(s) of the year, you can come hang out in our taproom! There's nothing better to fill awkward gaps in conversation like stoner metal played at a moderate volume. And beer. Lots of beer.
Plus lots of fun merch! (And so begins the shameless holiday self promotion)
Anyway, as part of a "holiday tradition" that we "totally forgot to do last year," we wrote up a bunch of Thanksgiving Pairings for all our beer and now we'd like to share them with you!
We tried not to make our Thanksgiving sound too weird but here you go
Extra Naked
pairs well with... wishing you hadn't eaten so much the previous day
and if you don't have any Extra Naked, we suggest... shame eating
Key Lime
pairs well with... just one more piece of pie
and if you don't have any Key Lime, we suggest... having two more pieces of pie
Shut Up Kelly!
pairs well with... ooh! Somebody brought fudge?!
and if you don't have any Shut Up Kelly, we suggest... trying to convince your elderly aunt to do shots of Allen's Coffee Brandy with you
Wasted Life
pairs well with... a nap on the couch
and if you don't have any Wasted Life, we suggest... taking a nap anyway, albeit a less satisfying one
Barrel-aged El Pulpo
pairs well with... happily shouting
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged El Pulpo, we suggest... angrily shouting
Doomrider
pairs well with... trying to stack up three pies into one Megapie (also acceptable: Pie Sandwich) like you're friggin' Dagwood Bumstead or something
And if you don't have any Doomrider, we suggest... looking your younger sibling dead in the eye, snatching their (full) plate out of their hands, and eating the entire damn thing without breaking eye contact
Barrel-aged Shelby
pairs well with... trying to remove all the turkey skin in one piece so you can pretend to be Leatherface (which, in turn, means you won't need to share any turkey skin)
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged Shelby, we suggest... wrapping turkey skin around some bacon and cheese to make the world's least healthy burrito
Quadless Leg Monster
pairs well with... saying "you know, in England they refer to this as 'pudding'" every time a new dish gets passed into your hands
And if you don't have any Quadless Leg Monster, we suggest... dipping your turkey in pudding
Adelle
pairs well with... eating the whole shrimp ring before anybody else even realizes the hors d'oeuvres are on the table
And if you don't have any Adelle, we suggest... locking yourself in the spare room with the shrimp ring and whatever brown liquor you can get your hands on
Korey
pairs well with... pretending to care about sports
And if you don't have any Korey, we suggest... cleverly getting out of all sports-related conversations by claiming to be a fan of a historically-terrible team
Danzig
pairs well with... muttering "hail Satan" instead of "amen" when your weird aunt tries to make everybody say grace
And if you don't have any Danzig, we suggest... waiting until your weird aunt makes everybody hold hands and then gripping tightly and shouting your allegiance to the Dark One
Ruby Rye
pairs well with... murmuring noncommittally at your uncle's poorly-thought-out political opinions
And if you don't have any Ruby Rye, we suggest... shouting "that's them Demmycrats for ya" every time there's a break in the conversation/ranting and wondering if he'll ever realize you're just impersonating Abe Simpson and not actually agreeing
El Pulpo
pairs well with... constructing increasingly-elaborate forts with your youngest relatives
And if you don't have any El Pulpo, we suggest... acting so erratically at the dinner table that you get banished to the kids' playroom to go watch Dumbo like six times in a row because that's somehow the only movie they have. Again.
Hartshorne
pairs well with... knitting
And if you don't have any Hartshorne, we suggest... secretly feeding treats to your neighbor's dog over the back fence until the dog gets kind of pudgy and then insistently calling your neighbor "Ol' Fat Dog Jones" until the end of time or until they move
Bullhead
pairs well with... wondering how in hell "parades on TV" is supposed to be a tradition
And if you don't have any Bullhead, we suggest... participating in the only acceptable Thanksgiving tradition (drinking carbombs)
Nick
pairs well with... friggin' turkey. Come on, man. It's Thanksgiving.
And if you don't have any Nick, we suggest... making better life choices
pairs well with... wishing you hadn't eaten so much the previous day
and if you don't have any Extra Naked, we suggest... shame eating
Key Lime
pairs well with... just one more piece of pie
and if you don't have any Key Lime, we suggest... having two more pieces of pie
Shut Up Kelly!
pairs well with... ooh! Somebody brought fudge?!
and if you don't have any Shut Up Kelly, we suggest... trying to convince your elderly aunt to do shots of Allen's Coffee Brandy with you
Wasted Life
pairs well with... a nap on the couch
and if you don't have any Wasted Life, we suggest... taking a nap anyway, albeit a less satisfying one
Barrel-aged El Pulpo
pairs well with... happily shouting
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged El Pulpo, we suggest... angrily shouting
Doomrider
pairs well with... trying to stack up three pies into one Megapie (also acceptable: Pie Sandwich) like you're friggin' Dagwood Bumstead or something
And if you don't have any Doomrider, we suggest... looking your younger sibling dead in the eye, snatching their (full) plate out of their hands, and eating the entire damn thing without breaking eye contact
Barrel-aged Shelby
pairs well with... trying to remove all the turkey skin in one piece so you can pretend to be Leatherface (which, in turn, means you won't need to share any turkey skin)
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged Shelby, we suggest... wrapping turkey skin around some bacon and cheese to make the world's least healthy burrito
Quadless Leg Monster
pairs well with... saying "you know, in England they refer to this as 'pudding'" every time a new dish gets passed into your hands
And if you don't have any Quadless Leg Monster, we suggest... dipping your turkey in pudding
Adelle
pairs well with... eating the whole shrimp ring before anybody else even realizes the hors d'oeuvres are on the table
And if you don't have any Adelle, we suggest... locking yourself in the spare room with the shrimp ring and whatever brown liquor you can get your hands on
Korey
pairs well with... pretending to care about sports
And if you don't have any Korey, we suggest... cleverly getting out of all sports-related conversations by claiming to be a fan of a historically-terrible team
Danzig
pairs well with... muttering "hail Satan" instead of "amen" when your weird aunt tries to make everybody say grace
And if you don't have any Danzig, we suggest... waiting until your weird aunt makes everybody hold hands and then gripping tightly and shouting your allegiance to the Dark One
Ruby Rye
pairs well with... murmuring noncommittally at your uncle's poorly-thought-out political opinions
And if you don't have any Ruby Rye, we suggest... shouting "that's them Demmycrats for ya" every time there's a break in the conversation/ranting and wondering if he'll ever realize you're just impersonating Abe Simpson and not actually agreeing
El Pulpo
pairs well with... constructing increasingly-elaborate forts with your youngest relatives
And if you don't have any El Pulpo, we suggest... acting so erratically at the dinner table that you get banished to the kids' playroom to go watch Dumbo like six times in a row because that's somehow the only movie they have. Again.
Hartshorne
pairs well with... knitting
And if you don't have any Hartshorne, we suggest... secretly feeding treats to your neighbor's dog over the back fence until the dog gets kind of pudgy and then insistently calling your neighbor "Ol' Fat Dog Jones" until the end of time or until they move
Bullhead
pairs well with... wondering how in hell "parades on TV" is supposed to be a tradition
And if you don't have any Bullhead, we suggest... participating in the only acceptable Thanksgiving tradition (drinking carbombs)
Nick
pairs well with... friggin' turkey. Come on, man. It's Thanksgiving.
And if you don't have any Nick, we suggest... making better life choices
* We know this day as Shitty Wednesday, both because of traffic and because of the likelihood of seeing like six people you went to high school with should you so much set foot outside the house when you go back to your hometown for the annual turkey-and-yelling extravaganza.
** GRACE
** GRACE
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