Well hey there! We're gettin' all geared up for our much anticipated (by us) Thanksgiving Beer Pairings, but that'll have to wait a hot minute because weve got a buncha cool stuff we gotta talk about first!
And startin' things off with a bang or whatever, it's worth mentioning that we will be open from 12-6 on Wednesday, closed Thursday, and then open normal hours after that for at least a week. Holiday hours! Tons of fun, right?
And speaking of nonstop holiday fun, there will be no cask this week on account of how our hours are all weird (and also this weekend is just weird in general). But! We've finally rebuilt our backstock and it's lookin' like smooth sailin' on the cask front for the foreseeable future!
And if you're lookin' for somethin' special on the draft list to ease your woes after not getting your cask needs met, look no further than Blood of Krampus! Remember that one? Well it turns out that we squirreled away a vanishingly-small amount of that tasty beer (which is a barrel-aged blend heavily featuring Biere de Krampus, if you hadn't put that together already) and it's on tap right now and it's pourin' until it kicks, so come getcha some while there's gettin' to be got!
And startin' things off with a bang or whatever, it's worth mentioning that we will be open from 12-6 on Wednesday, closed Thursday, and then open normal hours after that for at least a week. Holiday hours! Tons of fun, right?
And speaking of nonstop holiday fun, there will be no cask this week on account of how our hours are all weird (and also this weekend is just weird in general). But! We've finally rebuilt our backstock and it's lookin' like smooth sailin' on the cask front for the foreseeable future!
And if you're lookin' for somethin' special on the draft list to ease your woes after not getting your cask needs met, look no further than Blood of Krampus! Remember that one? Well it turns out that we squirreled away a vanishingly-small amount of that tasty beer (which is a barrel-aged blend heavily featuring Biere de Krampus, if you hadn't put that together already) and it's on tap right now and it's pourin' until it kicks, so come getcha some while there's gettin' to be got!
Protip: Krampus tastes better out of a ceramic mug
And gettin' back on to that ol' Holiday Nonsense train, we're bringin' back another vaunted tradition around here and that's the Shitty Wednesday Bottle Release! See, the day before Thanksgiving is kind of the worst - there's crazy traffic everywhere, and once you suffer through that you're either gonna end up awkwardly standing around and eating second-tier snacks (because all the food effort went into The Big Day), or you're gonna go to a bar and run into a bunch of people you went to high school with and get a fresh reminder for why you never bothered staying in touch with these people anyway. Not ideal! So we figured we'd "spice things up" a bit by releasing some bottles for you to grab on your way out of town! This year we haven't quite matched last year's deluge of new stuff (we had like seven new things I think? And this year we released most of our bottled stuff throughout the year instead of all on one day) but we've still got some goodies! We bottled up some of The Gargoyle because we missed it and also y'all seemed to dig it, and also we've got Working Title in bottles for the first time, and also we've just got a whole bunch of other cool shit in bottles already, so come on by and stock up! If you show up with the fancy stuff then you look thoughtful instead of looking like you procrastinated your trip by stopping at the bar and having a beer (which you should also probably do).
Protip: this is a sharin' beer
Anyway we're a little light on events this weekend (because of all that stuff I mentioned), but we've got Decimation Deli comin' by on Saturday and their sandwich game (not to mention their hot sauce game) is completely on point so come on by and say hi!
Protip: get your sandwich decimated
And if you're lookin' into next week, we've got some fun times happening next week! We've got a "Fiddle Times" Jam Session next Tuesday and it's open to all who wanna hoedown, and then next Thursday we've got a Wreath Making Workshop (and also we've got sushi on Wednesday, but you knew that) and anyway it's gonna be fun times and you should come by!
(oh, also we're opening late (at 3PM) next Friday because of Reasons, but that's not all that late so it shouldn't be much of an issue for most people?)
(oh, also we're opening late (at 3PM) next Friday because of Reasons, but that's not all that late so it shouldn't be much of an issue for most people?)
Looking at you Rick
And now it's time for the moment you've all* been waiting for: Thanksgiving Beer Pairings! For those of you who might be new around here, this has become an annual tradition that started out fairly innocently: we wanted to come up with some fun and sassy pairings for Turkey Day! But as the years have gone on, we pretty quickly ran out of normal Thanksgiving traditions to gently poke fun at, which means this list is really just a shining testament to why we don't usually get invited to parties (or rather, why we don't get invited back). Anyway, buckle on up and put on your Eatin' Pants, because we've got some Thanksgiving Magic comin' straight atcha!
Protip: combine all of these situations into one Family Dinner. Making memories!
Extra Naked
pairs well with... wishing you hadn't eaten so much the previous day
and if you don't have any Extra Naked, we suggest... shame eating
Shut Up Kelly!
pairs well with... ooOOOooh! Somebody brought fudge?!
and if you don't have any Shut Up Kelly, we suggest... trying to convince your elderly aunt to do shots of Allen's Coffee Brandy with you
Ginger Spectacular
pairs well with... trying to get out of any and all discussions about politics
and if you don't have any Ginger Spectacular, we suggest... pointing into the middle distance and yelling "what's that!?" and then running away, giggling
El Pulpo
pairs well with... constructing increasingly-elaborate forts with your youngest relatives
And if you don't have any El Pulpo, we suggest... acting so erratically at the dinner table that you get banished to the kids' playroom to go watch Dumbo like six times in a row because that's somehow the only movie they have. Again.
pairs well with... wishing you hadn't eaten so much the previous day
and if you don't have any Extra Naked, we suggest... shame eating
Shut Up Kelly!
pairs well with... ooOOOooh! Somebody brought fudge?!
and if you don't have any Shut Up Kelly, we suggest... trying to convince your elderly aunt to do shots of Allen's Coffee Brandy with you
Ginger Spectacular
pairs well with... trying to get out of any and all discussions about politics
and if you don't have any Ginger Spectacular, we suggest... pointing into the middle distance and yelling "what's that!?" and then running away, giggling
El Pulpo
pairs well with... constructing increasingly-elaborate forts with your youngest relatives
And if you don't have any El Pulpo, we suggest... acting so erratically at the dinner table that you get banished to the kids' playroom to go watch Dumbo like six times in a row because that's somehow the only movie they have. Again.
Protip: Terry's toffee chocolate orange slices are WHAT'S UP
Joyrider
pairs well with... compressing, shaping, and re-baking the stuffing to use as hard taco shells
And if you don't have any Joyrider, we suggest... pointing out each dish individually and making the argument that it "technically qualifies as a taco." Really fight to make your point. Make a chart if you have to.
Joybringer
pairs well with... making up songs about the foods you're about to eat while you fill your plate
And if you don't have any Joybringer, we suggest... putting on a puppet show wherein you have the turkey carcass stage a Gallagher-style performance and messily smash the giblets with a potato
Barrel-aged El Pulpo
pairs well with... happily shouting
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged El Pulpo, we suggest... angrily shouting
The Gargoyle
pairs well with... trying to convince people that turkey and peanut butter really do go well together (which they do)
and if you don't have any The Gargoyle, we suggest... making peanut butter gravy and then fleeing the scene before anyone tastes the abomination you have wrought upon this world
pairs well with... compressing, shaping, and re-baking the stuffing to use as hard taco shells
And if you don't have any Joyrider, we suggest... pointing out each dish individually and making the argument that it "technically qualifies as a taco." Really fight to make your point. Make a chart if you have to.
Joybringer
pairs well with... making up songs about the foods you're about to eat while you fill your plate
And if you don't have any Joybringer, we suggest... putting on a puppet show wherein you have the turkey carcass stage a Gallagher-style performance and messily smash the giblets with a potato
Barrel-aged El Pulpo
pairs well with... happily shouting
And if you don't have any Barrel-aged El Pulpo, we suggest... angrily shouting
The Gargoyle
pairs well with... trying to convince people that turkey and peanut butter really do go well together (which they do)
and if you don't have any The Gargoyle, we suggest... making peanut butter gravy and then fleeing the scene before anyone tastes the abomination you have wrought upon this world
Protip: ask for your crowler fills before closing your tab out so you don't have to wait!
Wasted Life
pairs well with... a nap on the couch
and if you don't have any Wasted Life, we suggest... taking a nap anyway, albeit a less satisfying one
Menagerie
pairs well with... making bacon-chocolate fudge
and if you don't have any Menagerie, we suggest... using pâté as frosting on a bunch of cupcakes
Baby Monster
pairs well with... showing up in a tuxedo and refusing to comment on it (and/or acknowledge that it's abnormal)
And if you don't have any Baby Monster, we suggest... making a big deal about needing to "get dressed for dinner" and then disappearing for 40 minutes only to come back in slightly nicer pajamas
Working Title
pairs well with... étouffée
And if you don't have any Working Title, we suggest... making "Thanksgiving Gumbo" out of leftovers
Trial Run
pairs well with... wrapping stuffing balls in turkey skin
And if you don't have any Trial Run, we suggest... sayin' "I'll rassle you for it" every time somebody asks you to pass them something (and following through)
pairs well with... a nap on the couch
and if you don't have any Wasted Life, we suggest... taking a nap anyway, albeit a less satisfying one
Menagerie
pairs well with... making bacon-chocolate fudge
and if you don't have any Menagerie, we suggest... using pâté as frosting on a bunch of cupcakes
Baby Monster
pairs well with... showing up in a tuxedo and refusing to comment on it (and/or acknowledge that it's abnormal)
And if you don't have any Baby Monster, we suggest... making a big deal about needing to "get dressed for dinner" and then disappearing for 40 minutes only to come back in slightly nicer pajamas
Working Title
pairs well with... étouffée
And if you don't have any Working Title, we suggest... making "Thanksgiving Gumbo" out of leftovers
Trial Run
pairs well with... wrapping stuffing balls in turkey skin
And if you don't have any Trial Run, we suggest... sayin' "I'll rassle you for it" every time somebody asks you to pass them something (and following through)
Protip: do not drink several pints of Honey 'n Hops and attempt to walk down hardwood stairs in your socks
Honey 'n Hops
pairs well with... eating the entire cheese board before anybody knows it's there
And if you don't have any Honey 'n Hops, we suggest... making a decoy cheese board with lesser cheeses so you get all the good stuff for yourself
Mirage Daze
pairs well with... practicing astral projection as your older relatives exhaustively list off the medical problems of everybody they know
And if you don't have any Mirage Daze, we suggest... telling stories about fictional characters as if they're friends of yours
Rumble Royale
pairs well with... turkey dipped in honeycup
And if you don't have any Rumble Royale, we suggest... making "candied" versions of foods that aren't generally candied (green beans, stuffing, etc)
Man Overboard
pairs well with... talking like a noir detective for the entirety of dinner
And if you don't have any Man Overboard, we suggest... speaking only in movie quotes (bonus points if you stick to a single movie. We suggest Wayne's World)
Critters XVIII
pairs well with... using bacon as a makeshift cracker to dip into soft cheeses (ideally you would have Harbison and some extra smoky bacon for this)
And if you don't have any Critters XVIII, we suggest... taking a half wheel of brie and trying to lick all the cheese out from the rind (bonus points if you're making eye contact with somebody while you do this)
pairs well with... eating the entire cheese board before anybody knows it's there
And if you don't have any Honey 'n Hops, we suggest... making a decoy cheese board with lesser cheeses so you get all the good stuff for yourself
Mirage Daze
pairs well with... practicing astral projection as your older relatives exhaustively list off the medical problems of everybody they know
And if you don't have any Mirage Daze, we suggest... telling stories about fictional characters as if they're friends of yours
Rumble Royale
pairs well with... turkey dipped in honeycup
And if you don't have any Rumble Royale, we suggest... making "candied" versions of foods that aren't generally candied (green beans, stuffing, etc)
Man Overboard
pairs well with... talking like a noir detective for the entirety of dinner
And if you don't have any Man Overboard, we suggest... speaking only in movie quotes (bonus points if you stick to a single movie. We suggest Wayne's World)
Critters XVIII
pairs well with... using bacon as a makeshift cracker to dip into soft cheeses (ideally you would have Harbison and some extra smoky bacon for this)
And if you don't have any Critters XVIII, we suggest... taking a half wheel of brie and trying to lick all the cheese out from the rind (bonus points if you're making eye contact with somebody while you do this)
Protip: enjoy Embrace of Death instead of the weird fruit salad cups your one aunt always forces on everyone (or is that just my family)
Embrace of Death
pairs well with... insisting that chips and salsa is totally a traditional Thanksgiving appetizer
And if you don't have any Embrace of Death, we suggest... turkey stuffed with tacos
Exiled from the Abyss
pairs well with... serving traditional foods but in slightly different preparations (pickled green beans, smoked turkey, sweet potato chips, you get the idea) to see if you can make the hardcore traditionalists at the table have a breakdown
And if you don't have any Exiled from the Abyss, we suggest... making "turducken" versions of everything - green beans wrapped in stuffing wrapped in mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce wrapped in candied yams and stuffed inside a twice-baked potato, that sort of thing
Hellmouth
pairs well with... turkey pan fried in gravy
And if you don't have any Hellmouth, we suggest... cutting all the food into small pieces (or forming the soft foods into balls), deep frying it, and then mixing everything together in one big bowl. You never know what the next bite will be!
pairs well with... insisting that chips and salsa is totally a traditional Thanksgiving appetizer
And if you don't have any Embrace of Death, we suggest... turkey stuffed with tacos
Exiled from the Abyss
pairs well with... serving traditional foods but in slightly different preparations (pickled green beans, smoked turkey, sweet potato chips, you get the idea) to see if you can make the hardcore traditionalists at the table have a breakdown
And if you don't have any Exiled from the Abyss, we suggest... making "turducken" versions of everything - green beans wrapped in stuffing wrapped in mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce wrapped in candied yams and stuffed inside a twice-baked potato, that sort of thing
Hellmouth
pairs well with... turkey pan fried in gravy
And if you don't have any Hellmouth, we suggest... cutting all the food into small pieces (or forming the soft foods into balls), deep frying it, and then mixing everything together in one big bowl. You never know what the next bite will be!
Protip: seriously, try this with some apple pie
Firekeeper
pairs well with... apple pie
And if you don't have any Firekeeper, we suggest... secretly installing murphy beds around the host's house
No Light Ever
pairs well with... those weird "truffles" that are basically just crushed oreos and cream cheese
And if you don't have any No Light Ever, we suggest... trying to convince people that the box of Oreos you brought for dessert is actually a "deconstructed cake"
Porcupine Pale
pairs well with... tricking your mother in law into drinking carbombs after dinner
And if you don't have any Porcupine Pale, we suggest... aggressively serving everybody absinthe
pairs well with... apple pie
And if you don't have any Firekeeper, we suggest... secretly installing murphy beds around the host's house
No Light Ever
pairs well with... those weird "truffles" that are basically just crushed oreos and cream cheese
And if you don't have any No Light Ever, we suggest... trying to convince people that the box of Oreos you brought for dessert is actually a "deconstructed cake"
Porcupine Pale
pairs well with... tricking your mother in law into drinking carbombs after dinner
And if you don't have any Porcupine Pale, we suggest... aggressively serving everybody absinthe
* And by "you all" I mean "Jared"
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